Learning to read on Twitter

I have recently joined the mixed ranks of Twitter.  Mixed because there are so many kinds of people on it with different interests and so many kinds of companies trying to sell you something.  My favorite so far has been a tweet about how you can increase your audience on your blogs and twitter; for a mere 89.95 euros they will send you a whole article with fail safe tips.  The following tweet gave you ten tips for free.  I tried to link my two blogs to Twitter (Ex Libris Miriam and Atypical Miriam) and from there received many (who to follow on Twitter) suggestions based on book loving people.  It excites me and discourages me how many people review books, comment on books, sell their own books and generally disagree about books.

Honestly, I thought that I might be a unique though small voice out there...instead I am so small I may as well not exist.  As for my voice well I guess I am being extremely subjective and hope that someone agrees with me; God knows many disagree with me. Uniqueness lies in the eye of the beholder.  So many people are apparently "unpublished writers who do not suck" that I am beginning to agree with the old adage "inside every person there is a book".

Mind you, I have only been exploring the world of books.  God knows how many topics there are under discussion without the obvious "hungry" tweet with the usual photograph of dinner.  One night I lost at Scrabble, nothing unusual or shameful in it, but I was nonetheless feeling slow and ignorant.  I brightened up over a single malt scotch that BPR and I had bought to try out.  I did some twitting to the effect of "I"m soothing my pride with a single malt scotch...  Suddenly I was bombarded with twitter follow suggestions for whiskey lovers.  I do follow one now.  It was with great hope that I did several tweets about chocolate, you know craving, flavor and even a company I like (La Maison du Chocolat) and I received not one single suggestion for who to follow on twitter. Are the scotch drinkers more vocal than chocolate lovers?  Are they more tech savvy?  Are the twitter intrusive search engines not taking me seriously?  Weird and suspicious...

Twitter has amazed me and bored me by turns.  There are so truly witty and funny people out there who can convey their passions and wit in 140 characters or less, Stephen Fry comes to mind, but there are also some truly boring, lonely people as well who have nothing better to say than "bored", "hungry".  Then I go to the trends sections find the top ten trends include #DoYouRemember, #gofurther, #whatever and so on and so forth.  If people turn their twitter obsession and their time towards curing cancer and colonizing Mars, I would be able to book my tickets for next Summer in a cancer free world for my children.  World peace on the other hand is not going to happen on Twitter; too many people disgree with each other and read things that only confirm their own beliefs, moreover every single government agency with a computer in the basement is monitoring Twitter.  If they were ignoring it before the Arab Spring, they are not now.

Then, of course, there are the multiple types of slangs and abbreviations that people use to fit their thoughts into 140 characters.  These are also mixed with the slangs and abbreviations that are used by different sub-cultures and age groups as well as clubs, and special interest groups.  I currently receive tweets in three different languages and I alternate between feelings of confusion, paranoia and frustration.  Occasionally I get it and feel I'm in until I read the next retweet (RT) from my 21 year old sister.  I read out loud, sounding out the words trying different accents (Spanish writing in English or English writing in Spanish or Pocho) until I make sense of what is written... or not.  So far all this has been an education but here is the rub... at my age and given my limited time, is the slang used by my sisters' DJ friends worth learning?  I mean some comments are funny but I feel like my capacity to retain is limited or do I need to learn more about whiskies, new age writers and philosopher/comedians?

'The Big Book of Being Rude' by Jonathon Green

I recently rediscovered this book in the detritus of my closet.  I had bought it as a gift for someone, can't remember whom and obviously, can't remember when.  So I put it in the best place to peruse this kind of book, the bathroom.  It is an exceptionally long list (7000) of insults covering several centuries, most continents and every type of person or group imaginable; no censorship, no apologies.

Every time I open it at random I have a great laugh.  I am also receiving an education which my mother will argue is redundant, given my own personal history and habits.  Most truly interesting words or phrases I cannot repeat here, but a few, well...  For instance, I just found out that a derogatory term (amongst many) for  psychiatrists is "squirrel", apparently they collect nuts.  That gave something to think about, in the bathroom, if you take my meaning.  Under what circumstances would anyone use this term?

             

                "My mom needs to see a squirrel to relax."

                "The squirrel yawned while I was talking."

                "Will our insurance cover a squirrel? or would she accept walnuts?"

So forth and so on.

Moreover, there are some insults that only sound beautiful in the accent of origin.  Try getting someone to curse if they are true Cockney's or from Edinburg.  Then we have some wonderful retorts and phrases that work if you are from Perth, Australia.  I should mention in passing that the inhabitants of Australia as a group are creative as well as hilarious in their insults.  Context is important for disparaging effectively but accent, turn of phrase and or attitude makes it unforgettable.  Here is an example: how do you sound if you call someone "Blooming six foot of tripe" with a Texas accent instead of English?  The phrase, if you are curious, is a 19th century term for a large policeman, it means "six feet of nonsense".  It does not work with the wrong accent, if you tried it out loud everyone within hearing thinks you are insane, but I bet you are smiling.

I have not yet read every insult in the book as just the section on "bollocks" was overwhelming but I look forward to going to the bathroom these days, if only to try some words out loud in the only place in the house where I can lock the door.

ISBN: 9780304355143